I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Randomize