you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
