Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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