so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
