i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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