I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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