Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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