just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
