no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
