it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
