the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
