she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
