So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
