Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Terrible idea I love it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
tell me about the fingering
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
