My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
