im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
