just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
