She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
