Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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