Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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