wakey wakey hands off snakey
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
