She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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