I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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