Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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