My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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