Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
