Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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