every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
