R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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