I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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