How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just got carded by a ten year old.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
