If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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