he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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