I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
