dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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