you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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