the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
