i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
