dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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