so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
