life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize