You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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