I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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