Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
