My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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