I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize