Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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