im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
