your room smells of hookers.
And success
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
