I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
