don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
