Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize