im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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