and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This baby is an asshole
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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