Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
