I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
