we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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