I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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