you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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