i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
