We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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