Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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