the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
