you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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