So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
