Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
