I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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