I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
