Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
