The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
