This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Those nachos came to me in a dream
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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