Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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