Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
