cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
