just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
