problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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