mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
