haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
