Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sober January is a disaster.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
