I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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