I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
