You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
