Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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