I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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