quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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