how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
