I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize