So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
