why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
