I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
